I have been preoccupied with Nano Wrimo and apart from being a little bit behind scedule, im on track to reach 50000 words by the end of the month. Not all of them are great, but there are a lot that im happy with. Im enjoying writing my first draft and wanted to share a bit more with you! Thank you all so much for taking the time to read it.
I can't sleep.
I toss and turn. My nights have been mainly sleeping only when I'm too exhausted to stay awake. This bed only reminding me of my beautiful wife. I have kept her clothes neatly folded in the wardrobe tring to preserve her smell. Limiting myself to a few minutes at a time. But tonight I know I will never sleep unless she's near me. I quietly get out of bed and open the wardrobe.
I know what I'm looking for. I don't need to put the light on. Everything is where it was, in those automatic places that your hand remembers unconsciously. I reach out and feel the soft brush of her dressing gown against my fingers. Lifting it off its hanger and drawing it close, breathing it in its scent, unable to move. Tears start to fall silently down my checks and exhaustion covers my skin. I collapse back into bed, holding the dressing gown so tight. I block everything else from my mind. This is where I need to be, right here with you, holding you in my arms.
Exhaustion overwhelms me, tears stinging my eyes, I fall into a death like sleep.
Happy Nano Wrimo!
Jeni Bee 🐝
A brief extract from my novel... don't want to give anything a way, but at the same time, I hope it leaves you wanting to know more!
The water is just slightly too hot to be comfortable, but it reminds me that I am alive, and lucky to be so. The slight sting of the water as it turns my skin pink is strangely comforting. If I close my eyes long enough, and and let the water block out the background hum of the generators, I am transported back to my previous life. The one where I took my happiness and wellbeing for granted, where I didn't appreciate those insignificant but special moments. That shine in your eyes, the smell of a home cooked meal, the sound of the wind.
The shower shudders to a stop. I let the cold air drift in around me, just for a moment. My head now clearing after I had woken up with a groggy heavy feeling, my vision still blurred with sleep. I dress, my clothes clinging to my damp skin, and pull my short hair back off my face.
To be continued...
This week I have been nominated for my first blogger award! I was nominated by the beautiful Geraldine who is a lifestyle blogger with a focus on dental hygiene. Her blog is gorgeously presented and well written. Definitely worth a read if you haven’t visited Geraldine’s blog before! Geraldine also loves video games, lives in New Jersey, loves desserts and doesn’t wear makeup often (she is also gorgeous so doesn’t need it!!). Thank you For nominating me for this award!
I am over the moon to have been nominated as I am relatively new to blogging and writing. I have found that I have enjoyed writing more than I thought I would and am itching to write more!
First I pass this award to:
7 Things about me:
1. I am the head of textiles and food at a secondary school. I really enjoy my job but have to admit that it is tough going. I teach a subject that is not, in the opinion of the government, very important. Therefore, students are not encouraged to take these subjects. This is a national issue which, sadly, the government fail to take seriously. Any subject that is not part of th EBac is in the same boat.
On the other hand, and I know it’s a cliche, seeing students grow and develop is very rewarding. Teaching is emotionally draining for many reasons, but when a child thanks you for teaching them to be proud of their achievements, it makes you feel all warm inside!!
2. I am a twin. My twinny and I are very different. We have different hobbies, likes and dislikes, but we can still end up crying with laughter over silly things!! We have both always been creative but have taken it in different directions. That just makes us more interesting though!!
We don’t get psychic messages from each other, although people always ask, and we’re far from identical, although still people ask!? But regardless of our lack of a magical connection, people still think it’s cool when they find I’m a twin! Their first comment is usually “What? There’s two of you?!”.
3. I have always wanted to play the piano. I can recognise notes and can play the odd turn with a lot of concentration, but I’ve never quite found the time to learn properly. I’d love to have actual lessons, but with them averaging out at £35-45 per 1/2 hour, I don’t think that’s going to happen any thime soon! In the mean time I’ll keep tinkling away on my keyboard, hoping that one day I’ll be able to just sit and play with out concentrating to the point of mental collapse, just to try to learn and remember a new piece of music.
4. I have a degree in Fashion Design and Technology. I would love to be able to make coats and jackets all day! McQueen is my favourite designer and I love the sharp juxtaposed lines alongside floaty, fantastical fabrics. I went to Bournemouth Arts uni and would love to, one day, do a Masters in Fashion.
5. I love cats. I currently have 3 cats. A 9 yr old, Vanilla, and 2 5 month old kittens, Solo and Bagheera. We recently lost another cat, Dexter, after being hit by a car. He was only 5 and I am still devastated. Dexter is the kitten in the photo above. He was such a wonderful animal and I will never forget him!
6. I walked across Dartmoor to raise money for orangutans! It took me 2 days and I walked from the top to the bottom. I decided to do this when I was at home on maternity leave. My baby was only 5mths when I went for my walk! I was definitely not at my fittest! I don’t regret doing it because it was absolutely amazing. But, dear lord, did I hurt for a while afterwards!! If you ever feel the need for a walk that will push you mentally and physically, I definitely recommend it, but maybe don’t do it 5 months after having a baby!!
7. I have scoliosis. I try not to let it define me though, which is why is number 7 on my list. It affects me day and night though, so I decided I should mention it. I, however, count myself lucky because I can still maintain an almost normal life, without too many complications. My spine is S shaped and curves at the top and the bottom. Most people don’t notice, but I do have a bit of a hump and my waist is smaller on one side than the other! My ribs on the left are flat and the ones on the right are slightly bumped making my right boob feel slightly more plump!! But it’s not the fact that I’m a bit wonky that’s the issue, it’s the pain! The doctors won’t do anything, apart from prescribe sting painkillers, because it’s not bad enough for surgery. This I’m grateful for because I really don’t know how I feel if I had to have such extreme surgery. On the other hand, I can’t afford other treatments such as chiropody or similar. So the hardest this to deal with is the fact that I don’t really have any options when it comes to reducing the pain!
In the mean time, I try not to moan, only take pain killers when absolutely necessary, and try and avoid people who try to petty me!!
So, while I’m feeling brave, here’s a pic of my slightly curvier back!!
Until next time!!
Jeni Bee 🐝
I was really excited about reading this. It’s been on my forever growing ‘to read’ list for, well, forever! Reading the blurb, doesn’t really give much away, but I could tell it was my kind of book. So, with anticipation I embarked on a journey that I was not expecting!
Unpredictable is the word I would use to describe this book, if I could chose just the one. Every turn of the page brought something I hadn’t seen coming. I don’t enjoy predictable stories about everyday life, so I loved how I really had no idea where this book was going. On the other hand, this did, at times, create quite a confusing plot where I was left wondering what the point was. It also lacked suspense in places as events just happened out of nowhere. But the hilarity and fast pace that David Wong uses to deliver this tale is definitely worth a bit of head scratching and wtf moments!
Before you read any further, I just wanted to reassure you that there are likely to be no major spoilers as the plot jumps around quite randomly, trying to retell this story would be tricky! Not everyone will like the jumbled up way Wong tells his tale, but I think it’s pretty amazing how he managed to keep track of what was going on when he was writing! What I can say, however, is that mostly all lose ends get tied up by the end. Although, I’m not sure I’d be able to remember any untied ends anyway!
After reading this book, I’m not sure I could even tell you what the point was. Our protagonist, also David Wong, seems to stumble through this story without really meaning to be there. He has no conflict, no goals or aspirations. He does eventually stumble into a relationship, but this is just one of the many side tracks this story takes.
This is not to say I didn’t enjoy it. There were moments where I laughed out loud and times where I couldn’t put it down. And after wondering what the point was throughout most of the book, I have come to the conclusion that I don’t think it matters. The complete and utter random occurrences that still seemingly merge together into an entertaining out of this world adventure, is more than enough. I also love the fact that David and John, the hero’s of this story if you had to designate a character trait, don’t seems to know what’s going on either.
So, if you like a story to have a clear end, beginning and middle and what you characters to beat their enemies and achieve their goals, you are unlikely to like John Dies at the End. However, I would explore you to give it a go, stick with it and except that you won’t be in control! I hope, like me, you find yourself wanting more, and enjoying the confusing, random hilarity that fill the pages of this book. I guarantee that you couldn’t begin to imagine where this book will take you!
Incase you have seen it, or want to see it, a film has been made based on this book.
I haven’t seen it as I wanted to read the book first. I am glad that I did, because I’m sure there are many parts that wouldn’t have made it into the film. I will also be interested to see if they have kept the timeline in the same order as the book, not an easy feat if they have!
If you have seen the film and thought you’d give the book a miss, then you are missing out!
So, in conclusion, I highly recommend John Dies at the End, but be prepared with and open mind. You can expect, however, to laugh out loud and find yourself rooting for the main characters regardless of the fact that the just seemed to be in the wrong place at the wrong time!
Jeni Bee 🐝
After reading this great post by Natonya, I started thinking about the current fashion, trends and the clothing I buy and wear. I was then inspired and thought I’d share with you my passion for timeless fashion!!
I love fashion! But, I hate fast fad fashion. I don’t tend to follow fashion trends, but instead look out for classic pieces that time and I will love!
I can’t remember who said it but someone once said “if you feel comfortable and confident in your clothes, you’ll be attractive no matter what you wear”. I love this quote, and wish that all my clothes made me feel that way! Following Fast fashion trends, that change almost weekly, will rarely make you feel comfortable and confident. Instead you are constantly comparing yourself to the ads and marketing used to promote them.
Part of the issue is that these high street fashionable clothes are made quickly on a global scale. There is not care or attention taken to ensure a good fit and companies don’t worry about longevity, because a new trend will be in stores next week and last week’s trend will be in the bin, perhaps after only been worn once!
I’m not going to talk about sustainability, that’s for another day, but there are much more cost effective and eco friendly ways of buying clothes. I buy around 60-70% of my clothes from charity shops and vintage fairs. I have some gorgeous designer and branded clothes that cost me a tiny fraction of their full retail price. I’m careful that I buy things I will love to wear over and over, although I don’t always get it right! However, when I’m done with them, I return them to a charity shop or put them in a textile recycling bank if they are past it!!
With all this in mind, I still love looking at the catwalk shows and seeing all the amazing designs and models. What tends to catch my eye though, are pieces that I think could become classic looks. Yes, the outrageous or shocking pieces are wonderful to see too, but these do tend to fuel those fast fashion fads! And we all know what I think about those!!
In hope that classic timeless fashion becomes more trendy, I have picked my favourites from the current spring 2019 ready to where collections. Here’s hoping they translate to flattering garments that people will feel comfortable and confident in!
MICHEAL KORS COLLECTION
CALVIN KLEIN 205W39NY
I will be keeping my eye open for these trends next year, but unless they are good quality classics, I’ll probably stick with picking up vintage classics instead!
Jeni Bee 🐝
I am a grown up. I have a full time job, a 10 yr old, I’m in a long term relationship, I own a car and I have 3 cats. That’s quite a lot of responsibility! So, why don’t I feel like an adult?!!
As I’ve aged I have grown in confidence, but I still get the same feeling, from time to time, as I did on the first day of secondary school. There’s nothing like a bit of terror to make you feel 11 yrs old again! And maybe that’s it? Maybe being an adult is just that, not being so terrified of everything anymore. Is Adulting just climatisation?! Have I become desensitised to some of the things that used to be terrifying? There are things that still terrify me, but they're not the same and I’m much more equipped to deal with them now.
How do you measure how adult you are? Some say it’s about having responsibilities and managing them well. Others might say it’s about the things you do and what you own. I definitely have more responsibility and more things compared to 15 yrs ago, yet I don’t feel anymore of an ‘adult’. It’s funny because I often see other people my age as more ‘adult’ than me! I really have no idea why though!
All can say is that currently I have more freedom and money than I did, and, therefore, I have more choice and time. It means I can decide to be selfish, kind, generous or lazy and no one can make me do anything I don’t want to. There is a limit to this obviously! I have to work for that money and my family always comes first, but hopefully you get the point- this is the life I have chosen and I’m very comfortable with my choices!
So, whatever it is that make you an adult, it can’t just be age because I’m just doing all the things I couldn’t afford to do 15 yrs ago. I’ve grown mentally and have gained from my experiences, but my dreams really haven’t changed.
So, what do you think? What make you feel like you’re adulting?! I’d be very interested to hear your thoughts because I spend more time now playing video games, reading, drinking, partying and playing than I ever did, and I’m definitely not a teenager anymore!!
Jeni Bee 🐝
I am not a morning person but I’d like to share with you my morning routine as it definitely makes my mornings a little smoother! These are just my opinions and no one is paying me to share them. I really love these products and they make my mornings a bit easier, so l hope you find this useful and your mornings are easier too!!
Firstly, I’m no make up artist! I like quick, easy and long lasting. When it comes to cleansing my face I will often use a make up remover such as Garner Micellar cleansing water. Just add cotton pads and you’re ready to go. You don’t need to wash this off either and it leaves your skin feeling clean and fresh. I will exfoliate and some time use a face mask once or twice a week, but I don’t do this more than that as I find it to much for my skin.
Once my skin is clear, it’s time for the bueatifying!!
1. I use L’Oréal Revitalift Radience as my daily moisturiser and I absolutely love it! The cream has a light and fresh fragrance and sinks into the skin really quickly once applied. I have also found it lasts me at least 2 months, so at £11.99 it’s quite cost effective too. You can often find 2 for deals, or similar in Boots or Superdrug.
Now for the important bit! I have definitely noticed a difference in the condition of my skin. My pores (that are usually cavernous!!) Have reduced in size and visibility, my 30 something fine lines (baby wrinkles!) are also much less apparent, and overall my skin is smoother and firmer!
If that wasn’t good enough, it also have SPF 20 to protect from UVA and UVBs to help protect your skin and prevent age spots caused by UV rays.
I have tried several other day creams in this price range, and have not found another that works as well as Revitalift.
2. Next up is another L’Oréal gem! True match liquid foundation in Rose Vanilla. I am a natural redhead and, therefore, have very pale skin. I often have trouble finding a foundation that matches my skin tone as it can be too much on the white side (love the goth look, but not for work!), or it makes me look pink or orange.
This foundation is possibly a shade darker than my actual skin tone, but it just gives me a slight glow. The coverage is good and you can build it up if you need to. It sinks in quickly leaving your skin feeling soft and it’s not at all heavy. It does give you a slight shine, but it doesn’t look greasy, just healthy!
I use my fingertips to apply my foundation. I have tried brunches/sponges etc. But don’t find it improves the coverage or ease of application, plus, it’s much easier to clean your hands! I find that, again, a little goes a long way and it lasts about the same amount of time as the Revitalift.
L’Oréal True Match liquid foundation comes in 28 shades and is £9.99. Regular 3 for 2 offers make this even more of a bargain!
3. The last of my L’Oréal trilogy is True Match powder. It comes in 9 shades and there are also highlighting and illuminating palettes.
The shade I use is Rose Ivory, which is slightly lighter than the shade of foundation I use. This helps highlight the natural contours of my face. I’m not a big fan of extreme contouring, especially when I am going for a natural day look! But, with the available shades and the fact that this powder is super blendable, you could contour until your hearts content!
This powder matifies without looking powdery or cakey and is so light you don’t feel like you have makeup on at all!
The packaging is great as it has 2 compartments. The top has the powder and the bottom has an applicator sponge (which is super soft!) and a handy mirror! What more could you want, I ask?! Well, at only £6.99 and often available in 3 for 2 deals, this is also fantastic value for money! So far this powder has lasted for almost 2 months and is still going. I have been really impressed with the quality, cost and look of these L’Oréal products. They have definitely become a permanent part of my daily beautifying!
4. Next I add a bit of colour to my pasty face, with this Manna Kadar Trifecta Bronzer. This is a 3 in 1 powder that can be used on your cheeks, lids and brows. It’s one of the slightly more expensive items from my morning routine at £15, however, I think it’s totally worth it! I found this beauty of a product when I received a sample from Birchbox. I loved it straight away as it gives my cheek bones some definition and gives my lids a subtle flash of colour. A small word of warning, be careful with how much you apply, you can always add more but there is a lot of pigment in that small pot! I’ve been using mine most days for about 6 weeks and haven’t reached the bottom yet!
5. Baring in mind how easy these products are to use, its very likely that I have applied most of my make up in the short time it will have taken you to read this! And with this next product, it gets even easier! I love eyeliner and have tried many different brands and types. I’ve tried your bargain bucket ranges and more luxurious brands, with various levels of success. The one I am currently using is the Body Shop liquid eyeliner in brown. This glides on easily and dries quickly so it’s not easy to smudge! This is great when you’re half awake and have 10 minutes before you need to leave the house! I use the brown one because I was finding the black a bit too dark. Saying that, unless you look closely l, I don’t think you’d notice that this eyeliner wasn’t black. It just tones it down a little. I would use black for a more striking, glamorous look. This eyeliner seems to just keep going, and I haven’t seen any signs of it drying up yet! It’s £9 but can often be bought in a 3 for 2 deal!
6. Finally, I apply Benefits BADgal Bang volumising mascara. It wasn’t love at first sight with this mascara. I found it gave my clumpy spider lashes! However, I persevered and now, wouldn’t be with out it! The trick is that when it’s new you barely need to touch your lashes. Lightly apply and don’t over do it and you get wonderfully long full lashes! Once used a few times, the mascara gets easier and easier to use. The brush is soft and flexible so that you can get even the smallest lashes. It builds up well as long as you keep the layers light, but you’ll find you don’t need much more than 2 layers to have gorgeous lashes! I do both my top and bottom lashes and they almost look like faulsies! My eye make up lasts all day and is pretty much smudge proof.
This mascara is the most expensive product in my morning routine, coming in at £21.50. However, I got mine with my VIP discount at BIrchbox and got an extra 15% off that, which brought it down to around £15 which is a bit more affordable. Again, like all of my products it seems, this will last at least 2 months, so is well worth the money. I can also say, as I’ve tried out lots of different mascaras, that I haven’t found one that makes my lashes look so perfect. So, in my view, it’s worth not having the hassle of messy mangled eyelashes, that can result from cheaper brands.
so, my beauties, that’s me looking more human and ready for work! I don’t tend to wear anything on my lips at work as I’m so busy I never have time to reapply. But is I do, I choose a matt lip paint or stain that will at least hang around for a few hours before there’s more on my mug than there is my lips! I may review my best results in a future post.
I hope you found my reviews helpful, it really has been great to find a make up routine that I can do in 10 minutes and be confident that it doesn’t look messy, plastered on or over the top!
Happy beautifying in your bathrooms!!
Ive been writing again. I am starting to form a good understanding of where my story is going and wanted to give you another small glimpse. Still a marathon to go and I know there are going to be plenty of hurdles. But I hope you enjoy my updates and it leaves you wanting more!
Marcus didn't get a funeral.
No one was prepared for how quickly society broke. There was no help, crime, punishment or charity. We all sat in our homes, waiting to die, either from sickness or starvation. We huddled together, moving only when absolutely necessary. A stagnant smell seeping in as we became weaker. Permeating our senses until we didn't notice it anymore. The virus was so draining that we had no energy left to live.
Everyone got sick.
Not everyone died.
It took 3 weeks before the electricity went out. The water went out 2 weeks after that. I had managed to gather together a small amount of supplies and had collected as much water as possible. Every cup, bowl, bucket and anything else that would hold water, did. The sickening reality is that, in the end, our survival came down to the fact that our family had halved in numbers.
Sam and I were barely communicating by the time the electricity came back on. We had shut down emotionally and were functioning only enough to keep our selves alive. When the light flickered on in the kitchen, I think we both took a breath for the first time in days. Nothing was said, nothing could be said. I think we both knew that the light meant that we had to go on, to live with the devastation and some how become human again.
Joanne and Lydia are now sleeping soundly in unmarked graves behind our house. It was the best we could do in the rush before the authorities cleared out all the bodies. It was not an option to let them take my family. I am forever grateful for the autumn and for the beautiful camouflage it provided. A golden blanket keeping my girls safe.
I will get to the zombies shortly...In the mean time...
Dreams can be exciting, scary, enlightening, sad, silly and down right crazy. Most of they time they are just our brains natural way of sifting through our day to day experiences. That doesn't mean they can't be powerful. I have, on many occasions, woken up more exhausted than before I went to bed, due to running around my head all night, or in floods of tears because my dream had been so distressing.
Keeping a dream journal can help you identify patterns and help you become more self aware. A dream can, at times, affect our moods and emotions through out the day, so understanding what could be causing your dreams can be reassuring and can help you maintain a good mental and physical health.
My advice, however, is that you don't go over the top when it comes to tracking and recording your dreams. A journal can be a very helpful tool, but can cause worry, especially if you realise that you often have nightmares or disturbing dreams. From experience, I would suggest that you only record the dreams you feel have been significant (i.e. a recurring dream or one that was very vivid). Other dreams could be recorded, but maybe just stick to some of the key facts. Ideally you want to record enough detail that shows patterns over time, but not enough to make you feel over whelmed!
Ok, so back to the Zombies! If you have read my previous posts, you will know that, when I am a sleep, my mind will take me on many journeys. Unfortunately, many of the journeys are not very pleasant. They can be embarrassing, exhausting and down right terrifying. Some times I'm paralysed, occasionally my teeth fall out and every so often I get gunned down by men who have broken into my house!! You name it, I've dreamt it!
My zombie dreams, however, almost became familiar and I even missed them when they finally stopped! I never felt that scared and was never bitten or injured, however, no matter what I did, the zombies kept coming. I would be running and hiding, crawling through tunnels, climbing over fences and barricading doors. All to no avail, the zombies always found a way through. This was not the first reoccurring dream I've had, but it was definitely the most persistent. These dreams lasted several months and at times were every night. Eventually, I realised that maybe my brain was trying to tell me something! This was when I picked up a dream dictionary that I had been given as a gift, and that had been sat on my bookshelf unread for who knows how long. I was amazed by what it told me. My dreams were basically a visual interpretation of all the different stresses and anxieties in my life. At times I felt as if I was on top of these worries and in control (in my dreams there would be times when I would feel safe and secure, when I thought I'd escaped the zombies). However, I was often over whelmed by them (when the zombies got through the defences and started chasing again). This realisation was eyeopening and my zombie dreams quickly became my indication that I'd been putting myself under too much stress. Eventually these zombie outbreaks stopped, and although I still had stress in my life, I was more aware of how important it was to take notice of my dreams.
I have created a dream journal that you can download to get you started. You can print or use it to start your own diary in a note book. Let me know what you think. Do you already keep a dream journal? How has it helped you?
It would be great if you also shared your dreams in the comments below. What do you think your dreams are trying to tell you?
I love and adore the sun! It makes me happy to bask in it and have all my windows open and still feel warm. I even love that slightly sticky feeling when the temperature really soars! I like how I feel more comfortable in my own skin and care less about what others think when I’ve got more of it on show than usual.
Unfortunately, I have been blessed with red hair, green eyes and very pale skin. So pale that when I’m on the beach I glow like a light bulb!! No golden tan for me. Instead it’s factor 50 applied every 1/2 hour to avoid the lobster look.
I would much rather be under a sun soaked blue sky than a grey cloud covered one any day. However, I have grown to appreciate those warm, calm cloudy days and have found they often bring me peace too.
I have found that sitting quietly by a lake under a slightly dull sky so quiet and calming that I could sit there all day. To just sit and breath and listen to the quiet rustling of the trees is bliss.
I really hope you find that peaceful spot on that cloudy day and enjoy the calm that I have! Make sure you take a picture and share it, I’d love to see your cloudy day escapes!